The Internet is a Mirror

I’ve been feeling pretty down about the internet. Recently I’ve been finding myself in irritating situations online: engaging in (or even just considering engaging in) pointless arguments, drinking down gossip, and getting overwhelmed with anxiety – feeling like it’s just too much. The internet was all bullshit, I thought, and made me pretty angry. I used to love, even savor, just spending time online. Now I hate it. As a web professional this is a bad thing, and I’m struggling with it.

But, just tonight, I am realizing that it’s not the internet’s fault. It’s me.

The internet is so god damned big. It’s not something you can hate or get mad at. It’s like saying, “I hate the world.” Which is like, O.K. dude, sure. Really, if I’m getting annoyed by the internet, it’s because I’m putting myself in situations in which I get annoyed. If I’m getting anxious, it’s because I’m spending my time and sanity on stressful experiences.

Surely it’s no coincidence that my internet fatigue began shortly after I moved to New York, away from my hometown, Philadelphia. Leaving my family, friends and office brought on a serious depression that I’m only now starting to get over. And that’s giving me a little bit of clarity. The internet that I hate is actually a reflection of the depression and my thoughts about myself, and not representative of the whole of the thing.